8 Words Therapists Want You to Stop Using Wrong: What to Say Instead
Words are powerful tools for understanding and communicating. When used incorrectly, they can perpetuate misconceptions, stigmas, and confusion. Here are eight words that therapists wish you'd stop using incorrectly and alternative phrases that promote a more accurate and compassionate dialogue.
1. OCD
How It's Often Misused: "I'm so OCD about keeping my room clean."
What It Should Mean: Experiencing obsessive-compulsive tendencies.
What To Say Instead: "I'm very particular about cleanliness."
Why It Matters: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a clinical diagnosis. People who have OCD are suffering. Using it to describe everyday habits trivializes the experiences of those who actually have OCD.
What's the difference between having a few quirks and having OCD?
Everyone has a few quirks or preferences. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is characterized by intrusive, distressing obsessions and the compulsion to perform rituals or behaviors to alleviate the distress. If you're uncertain, consult a mental health professional for a proper evaluation.
2. ADHD
How It's Often Misused: "I'm so ADHD today, I can't focus."
What To Say Instead: "I'm really distracted and unfocused right now."
Why It Matters: ADHD is a medical condition, and casual use of the term can undermine the challenges that individuals with ADHD face.
What's the difference between occasional forgetfulness and having ADHD?
ADHD is a disorder that involves persistent symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. Occasional forgetfulness or difficulties in focus are common experiences for everyone. The difference is the frequency, intensity, and duration of these symptoms. ADHD symptoms interfere with daily functioning and persist over time. Occasional lapses in focus are temporary and situational.
3. Boundary
How It's Often Misused: "This conversation is crossing my boundaries."
How It's Misused: We've heard some people call on boundaries to avoid doing things they don't want to do. Using the term "boundaries" to avoid difficult things dilutes the meaning. We all have to go to boring meetings or show up to work when we don't want to. There's a difference between something we don't want to do and something that disturbs our peace and sense of safety.
What It Should Mean: "Respecting personal limits and space."
Why It Matters: Misusing "boundary" can create confusion in relationships. It's not about setting up barriers. It's about recognizing and respecting the emotional and physical limits of oneself and others.
How do I communicate my boundaries in a relationship?
Effective boundary setting in a relationship involves clear communication and mutual respect. Start by identifying your own boundaries and what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable. Communicate your boundaries assertively, not aggressively. It's also crucial to respect your partner's boundaries. Healthy relationships are built on understanding and honoring each other's limits.
4. Bipolar
How It's Often Misused: "The weather is so bipolar."
What People Usually Mean: Unpredictable or rapidly changing.
What to say instead: "The weather is so unpredictable."
Why It Matters: Bipolar disorder is a challenging mental health condition. It's also not usually as volatile or unpredictable as people think. People with bipolar disorder experience changes over days and weeks, not usually within hours. Using the word “bipolar” incorrectly in conversation diminishes the experiences of those who live with it. It furthers the stigma that people with bipolar are out of control or volatile.
What are the symptoms of bipolar disorder, and how does it differ from mood swings?
Bipolar disorder involves distinct mood episodes, including manic and depressive phases, that are more intense and long-lasting than typical mood swings. Symptoms of mania may include lots of energy, impulsivity, and a decreased need for sleep. Depressive episodes often involve persistent numbness, hopelessness, and a lack of interest in activities. Bipolar disorder is a condition that requires professional treatment.
5. Borderline
How It's Often Misused: "She's so borderline crazy."
What People Usually Mean: Showing intense emotional fluctuations.
What To Say Instead: "She experiences intense emotional ups and downs."
Why It Matters: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition. It's one of the most stigmatized and misunderstood diagnoses. People with borderline are suffering and deserve compassion. Using the term pejoratively perpetuates stigma and misunderstanding.
What's the distinction between having intense emotions and having Borderline Personality Disorder?
Borderline Personality Disorder involves enduring patterns of intense emotions, unstable self-identity, and rocky relationships. Experiencing intense emotions occasionally is a common human experience. The key distinction is the persistent and pervasive pattern of these symptoms. A mental health professional can provide a proper diagnosis and guidance if you suspect BPD.
6. Toxic
How It's Often Misused: "He's so toxic in my life."
What It Should Mean: Harmful or detrimental.
Why It Matters: Labelling people as "toxic" is a generalization. It doesn't communicate anything about what's actually happening. Try to describe specific behaviors that are harmful instead of using the word toxic.
What to say instead: "His actions are harmful to my well-being."
How do I determine if someone's behavior is toxic or just difficult to handle?
Differentiating between toxic and difficult behavior often hinges on the impact to your emotional health. Toxic behavior is consistently harmful, causing emotional and sometimes physical harm. Difficult behavior may arise from differences in personality or communication styles. If someone's actions are causing you harm or distress, it's worth seeking guidance from a therapist.
7. Accountable
How It's Often Used: "You need to be accountable for your actions!"
What People Usually Mean: “This is your fault and you need to admit it.”
What It Should Mean: Taking responsibility for your actions.
Why It Matters: Accountability is often mistaken for blame or punishment. Owning up to one's actions without resorting to judgment or criticism is so important. Instead of using "accountable" in a way that feels punitive, consider saying, "It's important to take responsibility for your choices." This promotes a more constructive approach to self-awareness and growth.
What's the difference between being accountable and being blamed for something?
The difference lies in the approach and intention. Being accountable means taking responsibility for your actions with the aim of self-awareness, growth, and positive change. It's a constructive act of acknowledging your role without judgment or criticism. On the other hand, being blamed often involves assigning fault and may not foster personal growth or understanding.
8. Gaslighting
How It's Often Used: "He's gaslighting me!"
What It Should Mean: Manipulating someone's perception of reality.
Why It Matters: Gaslighting is a term that's often thrown around carelessly. It should be reserved for situations where someone deliberately distorts another person's reality.
What to say instead: When you suspect manipulation, try saying, "I think he's trying to distort my perception of reality."
How can I tell if I'm being gaslit or experiencing a misunderstanding in a relationship?
Distinguishing between gaslighting and a simple misunderstanding can be tricky. Gaslighting usually involves a pattern of manipulation where someone intentionally distorts your perception of reality. Gaslighting makes you doubt your thoughts and feelings. Misunderstandings are often isolated incidents resulting from miscommunication or differing perspectives. Seek support from trusted friends or a therapist if you suspect gaslighting.
The Words We Use Matter
The words we use have a big impact on our understanding of mental health and well-being. By choosing our words more thoughtfully, we can promote empathy and reduce stigma. We also communicate better when we're specific. Next time you find yourself reaching for these words, consider using more accurate ones to create a more productive dialogue.
Holistic Therapy and Therapy for Anxiety in California and Florida
If you find yourself struggling with any of these concepts or need guidance in navigating boundaries, consider scheduling a free consultation with one of our experienced therapists. We're here to provide support and help you foster healthier communication patterns. Take the first step towards a more fulfilling and compassionate dialogue by booking your consultation today.
